Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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