I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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