bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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