just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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