I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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