We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
