I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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