you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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