I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
