pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
