sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
