Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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