32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
