Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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