My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
