TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
