problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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