I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
