We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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