Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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