I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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