I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
