So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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