Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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