just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
