Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
