He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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