dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
