It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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