..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
