I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
