Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

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(810): View more from Michigan

I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.

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(727): View more from Florida

Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.

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(518): View more from New York

A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??

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