Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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