I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
