My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
