I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
