Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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