I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
