I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
