my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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