North Korea, Best Korea!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
