i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
