just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize