i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
