How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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