WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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