I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
