Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
