Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
