I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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