What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
