Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
