took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
