I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
