I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize