i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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