Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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