so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
