No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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