he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
